Relationships quiz
What Is My Attachment Style?
Attachment theory started with John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's research on how young children bond with the people who look after them. In the late 1980s, researchers began applying it to adult relationships. Today it's usually measured on two scales: how much you worry about being left or unloved, and how comfortable you are with closeness and depending on other people.
This quiz uses those two scales. It mixes everyday situations, like a slow reply, a partner's trip or an argument, with short statements you rate from disagree to agree.
You'll get one of four styles: secure, anxious, avoidant or fearful-avoidant. You'll also see where you sit on each scale and how closely you match all four. There are 18 questions. It's a way to reflect, not a diagnosis, and attachment styles can change over time.
Possible results
- Secure AttachmentYou can love people closely without losing yourself or waiting for the floor to drop.
- Anxious AttachmentYou love wholeheartedly, and you notice every small change in how people respond.
- Avoidant AttachmentYou care deeply, but you'd rather handle life yourself than lean on anyone.
- Fearful-Avoidant AttachmentYou want closeness badly, and the closer it gets, the more it scares you.
See all 18 questions
- You sent a long, heartfelt message to someone you're dating. Three hours later, nothing. What's going through your head?
- They're probably busy. I'll hear from them when they're free
- I reread what I sent and wonder if it was too much
- Honestly, I'm a little relieved not to need a reply yet
- I regret opening up and start drafting a cooler follow-up
- Your partner wants to talk about "where this is going" over dinner tonight. How do you feel walking in?
- Fine. I'm glad we're talking about it properly
- Nervous all day, rehearsing what they might say
- A bit cornered. I'd rather let things unfold on their own
- I want the reassurance, and I also want to cancel
- I often worry that the people I love don't love me as much as I love them. (agree / disagree)
- A close friend has been silent in the group chat for a week. What do you do?
- Send a quick "you okay?" and take their answer at face value
- Scroll back to check whether I said something that upset them
- Leave it. People need space, and they'll surface when ready
- Assume they're drifting away and quietly pull back first
- I find it easy to depend on the people close to me. (agree / disagree)
- You've had an awful day. Someone you love asks, "What's wrong?" What's your honest first move?
- Tell them, then let them help however they can
- Tell them everything, then worry I've dumped too much on them
- Say "I'm fine, just tired" and deal with it myself later
- Start to explain, then shut down halfway through
- Things are going really well with someone new. Four dates in, it all feels easy. What's your reaction?
- Enjoy it and see where it goes
- Start watching closely for signs they're losing interest
- Notice I've started finding small faults with them
- Feel lucky one minute and sure it'll fall apart the next
- If someone takes a while to reply, I don't read anything into it. (agree / disagree)
- Your partner is off on a two-week trip with friends. How do those two weeks feel?
- I miss them, and I'm happy they're having fun
- Long. I notice when they're online and count the replies
- Honestly quite nice. I get my space back for a while
- I miss them, then feel annoyed at myself for missing them
- I get uncomfortable when someone wants to be very close to me. (agree / disagree)
- After an argument with someone close, what do you usually need?
- To talk it through once we've both cooled down a bit
- To sort it out right now, before I can think about anything else
- Time alone, ideally plenty of it, before we talk
- I want them to come after me, then push them away when they do
- Someone you've just started seeing says, "I really like you." What's your gut reaction?
- That's lovely. I'll say it back if I feel the same
- Relief, and a sudden urge to hear it again tomorrow
- A small itch to slow things down
- Happy, then suspicious. What do they actually want?
- I need a lot of reassurance that I'm wanted. (agree / disagree)
- You need help moving flat this weekend. How do you handle it?
- Ask a couple of friends and offer pizza in return
- Ask, then apologise several times for being a burden
- Hire a van and do it myself. Easier than owing anyone
- Want to ask, don't, then feel hurt that nobody offered
- I prefer not to show people how I feel deep down. (agree / disagree)
- Think about how your last relationship or close friendship ended. Which sounds most like you?
- Sad, but I understood why and could wish them well
- I held on long after it was over, hoping it would change
- I got out once it started to feel too serious
- I ended it before they could, then missed them terribly
- I rarely worry about being left. (agree / disagree)
- I'm comfortable sharing my private thoughts with someone I trust. (agree / disagree)